On Being Superior

I usually blog about what's weighing on my heart.  But I have been silent about a certain issue until now. Not because it hasn't been on my heart. It has. I care. I really do. I just wasn't sure I should say anything. I've stated it before, sometimes Silence is Golden.

I told myself I'm not qualified to voice an opinion on this particular issue. So, I have been quiet. I have been listening and reading and trying to understand. And I mostly agree with myself about being quiet. But, I also know that maybe I was partly avoiding the issue because it is hard. It is sticky and sensitive, and it makes me feel guilty. And it makes people say and do hurtful, angry things.

But. Ferguson. Protests. White cops. Black men. Racial tension.

I didn't feel qualified to speak about what's happening in Ferguson or about any of the other recent news stories of black men killed by white police officers - for several reasons. Most importantly, because I am not a young black man nor am I a police officer. I have never walked in their shoes or even walked beside them. I've never been in a situation where I had to choose to protect my own life by taking another's. And I have never been judged as a threat or criminal based on the darkness of my skin color. And, I wasn't THERE. I don't know the truth about what happened. I haven't personally read the case files, and I haven't seen or heard all the evidence. But, I know this to be the truth: in EVERY situation or fight or argument, there are two different accounts of what occurred, and then, there is the TRUTH. Everyone sees a situation through their own past experiences. This is just how we humans are wired. ALL of us. Red, Yellow, Purple, Pink, Brown, Black, or White. We react and make decisions based on our experiences, depending on how we have been treated as white, black, brown, mixed, or multi-colored people.

As a white female, I don't know the truth of what it is to experience life as black or as a male. I realized yesterday that - besides my handsome Jamaican brother-in-law - I don't even have any black friends. Not because I don't want to have any, but I just don't. I currently live and have pretty much always lived in a predominantly white community. We don't have any black neighbors, and I rarely see anyone of color out shopping at the local market. Based on a report from 2000, the black or African American population in Gloucester is .6% and goes up to .9% for those who are biracial. I've discovered that here "minority" refers to anyone who is not Italian. So, my opportunity to have an open conversation about racial tensions with someone of a different race in my town is slim.

To be perfectly honest, race isn't usually something I think a lot about. I guess you could say that's my "white privilege" showing. Probably. I would like to think it's because I don't care. Not that I don't care about inequality among races, but because the color of someone's skin or a person's racial heritage makes no difference in how I would want to treat them.

However, racism is not something I've never dealt with personally. Because unlike Santa Clause, it most certainly DOES exist in the 21st century. Unfortunately, the ugliness and ignorance of racism has caused friction and anger within my own extended family. When my younger sister married a black man, a few of my Southern-bred relatives had unkind things to say about interracial relationships. Personally, I cannot understand their unfounded bias, especially since our clan has stirred in many (way too many to list) nationalities into our own hereditary pot. My own husband, who is a hybrid Mexican, Spanish, Italian, was accepted despite his Latino roots. So, it just makes no sense to me. What is the basis of their prejudice - skin pigment? Really? How completely insane.

I can only attribute their feelings to long threads of lies, which have wrapped around inadequate people, desperate to feel superior. The Desire for Superiority. Such an incredibly degenerating human quest. Feeling we are better than others based on the color of our skin or on our cultural heritage or religious background or the quality of our clothes or the size of our house or the cost of our cars. Ridiculousness. Wreckage. This hole in our human souls where the desire for superiority and importance exists is the birthplace of violence and racism and hatred.

Racism, sexism, ageism. They all emerge from our desire to be better, more powerful, more in control. And we will not rid our country of them until we fully submit to the truth of equality. The TRUTH OF EQUALITY - we are all created equal with the right to Life. The white cop and the black man and the white mother and the black mother all cry tears of sorrow and feel the devastation when a child is taken as a result of any kind of violence. So why can't we end it? Why are there riots and protests going on all over our country in 2014, 150 years after slavery was abolished and 50 years after desegregation?

Because racism keeps being taught. Racism does not exist among children unless they are taught by society to shun or disapprove of people who look different. My daughter's first school friend to come sleep over was a little black girl, who Ali still remembers as the girl with brown skin, because for some reason we cannot remember her name, and the term "black" used in reference to a person of color just isn't part of her vocabulary. Two of her best friends are from very different cultural backgrounds than her own, but she never even considered not being friends with them. And, my children never once questioned the fact that their uncle has darker skin than their own. They just know he is fun, because he plays with them and likes football and fishing and has a cool house. The fact that my nephew has curly black hair and beautiful caramel-colored skin, which is so different from their own, means absolutely nothing to them. And it shouldn't.

And that's why I decided that I had been quiet long enough. Because no matter what the circumstances that led to the death of Michael Brown that summer night in Ferguson, the problems and sickness of racism in our country exist, and we need to keep having honest, loving conversations until we have completely eradicated this disease. We all need to give up on anger and resentment and denial and strive for compassion and understanding and acceptance.

As for this privileged white girl, I know that I will never be able to fully comprehend or understand the feelings of outrage and frustration and injustice that black people in this country feel when they hear that an "unarmed black man" was shot and killed by the police. But I do know that I feel shame and guilt for the reasons behind those feelings of outrage. And I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. And I care about this kind of pain. And I promise to teach my children differently. I promise to try my damnedest to look beyond skin color or cultural background to see the heart of a person first.

To all the police officers who are feeling hurt and taken for granted: thank you. Thank you for your service and for being brave enough to step out into hard situations - dangerous situations which might mean the end of your own life or the life of another. I can't imagine wearing the weight of that responsibility.

This is what I have learned: The only superior attribute ANY human can actually posses is the ability to EMPATHIZE with others. A person's ability to consider another with concern and kindness without regard for status or color or title makes them worthy of the label SUPERIOR.  

So, let's be that kind of SUPERIOR. Always.

Love,

Ashley