IN.THE. MIDDLE. Since birth, that's been my territory. Because, when you are 4 years younger than your older sister, and 4 years older than your younger sister, you are EXACTLY in the middle. Just like the Green Kangaroo.
From left: Our mom, Shayna (my younger sister), Me (in the middle), Kelsey (my niece by my eldest sister - not pictured), and Andrea (my older sister.)
There is a lot of talk out there about middle children, apparently, we have a SYNDROME. Katrin Schumann, author of "The Secret Power of Middle Children," wrote:
"They are considered to be neglected, resentful, have no drive, have a negative outlook, feel like they don’t belong—in other words, they suffer from “Middle Child Syndrome.” A Stanford University study showed that middles are considered the most envious, least bold and least talkative of all the birth orders."
Umm...OK, but...I don't feel neglected or resentful! And, I usually have an unrealistically optimistic outlook - which has it's own issues. But, it is probably true that I have more dream than drive in me. I have definitely felt like I don't belong - especially since moving away from my family. "Least bold and least talkative," maybe. But, in my Italian-hybrid family, that's not saying I'm quiet (my husband says I am loud - but is he a reliable source?).
But guess what? Schumann goes on to debunk many of the stereotypes about middles. In fact, she points out that America has had a lot of incredible middle children (including 52% of our U.S. Presidents!) who have profound drive and determination.
"For, as we discovered during our research, the stereotype does not correspond to reality. Far from being doomed to failure and loneliness, middle children are more likely than their siblings to be successful and enjoy strong social lives and flourishing careers. . .The apparent disadvantages they endure in childhood turn out to be beneficial, in many cases giving them the attributes of empathy, independence, articulacy and creativity. Many of our biggest celebrities, such as the film star Julia Roberts, are ‘middles’." - from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2079636/Middle-children-MORE-successful-So-true-family.html
Ha! I always thought Julia and I had a connection!
So here's the truth about my life in the middle: As a kid, I was the cliche - the wallflower and bookworm, the "quiet-er" one. I also tried to be the peacemaker, often finding myself in the middle of some sort of argument, which didn't usually begin with me. Sometimes I did feel invisible though, like if I disappeared, no one would notice. But truth is, they usually did. They would fish me out of my bedroom or from behind whatever book into which I had disappeared and get me to join in the family fun (or feud, depending on the day).
My sisters were literally the ones in the spotlight - they were performers - they cheer-led and acted and sang and danced in show choir; while I drew or read in my bedroom.
 |
| From left, Shayna, Andrea, and I in 2013 - Even my hair color and skin tone are in the middle! |
 |
| Andrea and I in Ybor City 2012? |
But the thing is, I am exactly where I want to be. I actually LOVE my special spot in the middle. Because that place, where God decided to drop me, between the two of my WARRIOR sisters, has made me, ME - with all my flaws and scratches and dents and syndromes.
On one side is my older sister: She is beautiful and crazy talented and sometimes just plain crazy, and I have had the advantage of watching this incredibly brave and head-strong sister be the pioneer. I watched as she FEARLESSLY got married, bought houses, had babies, and started businesses. Through the years, I really watched her, and I LEARNED from her experiences. From the mistakes she made and the things she did incredibly well. I learned from her about make-up and style and parenting and homemaking and being a good friend and serving your community and getting your heart broken and your dreams dashed and CARRYING ON and honoring your commitments anyway. She has fought battles that would make grown men cry. She has struggled and clawed her way through messy and painful and hard, and has stood tall, with swollen eyes and split lip, to see the sunrise.
And THEN. There is my younger sister. The baby of four girls - our beautiful little princess of the land of Brat. By the time she got to adolescence, my parents were so tired, they took on the parenting style known as been there, done that, and don't care. They had been the SUPER strict parents, the fight-it-out-HUNT-YOU-DOWN-and-lock-you-in-your-room parents, the OVER protective parents, and they were ready to be we-will-leave-it-in-God's-hands parents.
Since birth, this girl has been CRAZY strong. An independent, strong-will mixed with brute strength. Strong enough to knock my mom's jaw out of place when she was 2, strong enough to make boys afraid of her catlike-fighting skills (seriously, claw marks covered the youth group). Strong enough to overcome the meanness of her two older sisters - like me calling her a brat. Strong enough to work through illness and pain. And, strong enough to overcome acute personal tragedy OVER and OVER and be brave enough to TAKE THE RISK AGAIN. Watching her grow up, I have been in awe many times by her independence, strength, beauty, and talents. She is fiercely loyal, generous, and an incredible friend. Now, she is a mom too, and I get to watch her navigate the amazing and difficult twists and turns of motherhood with that same beauty and strength.
These are my WARRIOR sisters, and I am happy to be stuck right IN THE MIDDLE of the them for the rest of my life. Because I know, that no matter what battle I may face, they will be there right beside me, fighting it out.
Being the middle child is not about sad and lonely. Being in the middle is a beautiful, rewarding, safe, and sure place to be. For me, being IN THE MIDDLE is not just a birth order thing, it's kind of become a life philosophy thing. But that's another blog post. . .
To read more about middle children, click here.
Love,
Me, Happy in the Middle
