In Gratitude

We had the most laid back Thanksgiving in Gullett family history. And that's saying something, because we are the most no-frills family I know. We even eat Christmas dinner in our PJs. But I usually do make more of an effort to at least make the table look nice on Thanksgiving. This year there was a vacuum and a big circular saw in the dining room, and that only made me slightly anxious. We didn't take one photo, and we all wore sweatshirts all day.

For the first time since we've been married, Daniel didn't make the turkey or stuffing, and I was absolutely, wonderfully fine with it. We ordered turkey and stuffing from a local restaurant, I made sweet potatoe soufle and cranberry sauce, and Ali made pecan pie. This year, I just could not care less about dressing things up for presentation sake. I only wanted to hang out with my kids and husband, watch the dog show and whatever that wacky televised Macy's parade thing was. So strange without the crowd, right?

I was exhausted. Too tired to care about place settings and table decor. Almost too tired to enjoy eating our disheveled but tasty dinner. My house wasn't even clean. But, I am grateful for the tired. I am grateful for passing on the stress and fuss of centerpieces and cloth napkins to relax and have downtime with my little family. For the last two months, we have had very little downtime together. But, I am grateful for that too.

See those desks spaced exactly 3 feet apart? Those are desks in my classroom in a real high school, where I have the priveledge to teach English to real, live 9th and 10th graders 5 days a week. And that window with a view? That's my view from that classroom. So I have been busy teaching in a new school and in a year unlike any other, but I am so incredibly grateful to be so busy doing what I love to do. Teaching again has been my hope and prayer for about 5 years now, and I was finally given the opportunity because of this strange year. And, I have the BEST STUDENTS. I mean that...I have always heard about those "Gloucester kids," as if they were scary gangsters. My students are sweet and kind and smart and fun, and say "thank you" as they leave the classroom. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone or being punked. They aren't perfect, and the desire to put forth effort and engage is still somewhat in hibernation, but I believe I am witnessing a grateful bunch of teenagers. They just seem so glad to be able be in school with their peers.

2020 has dished out hard, emotional stuff. And, I have complained a lot - the toilet paper shortage alone caused me much vexation. But through it all, I am reminded of so many blessings. While I really miss my family and would love to spend the holidays with them, I was able to go home and see most of them in February, right before the world shut down in March. While I was layed off from my job during the spring, I was able to take a class (thanks to technology) toward my master's degree, which is directly helping me teach this year. And I had to read...Like actual books! It was a delightful way to spend the summer of solitude. 

So I choose to be grateful. I am very thankful for my husband and children, my home, my students, and my co-workers. It has taken me a very long time to truly love where I live, but this year, I have loved Gloucester more than any other year. Our little fishing town with it's pretty little beaches and blue collar grit and accent, has been resourceful, kind, and resilient. Messages of hope can be seen all over town and acts of kindness have been distributed in big and small ways. Two women, who I don't personally know, even bought brand new books for my students, when I asked for donations of old copies.

Recently, I read an article about gratitude. I found it on Psychology Today and it really struck me. As Christians we are taught to give thanks to God in all things, and we learn to thank God when we are young for our food and family, when saying grace or our bedtime prayers. But, this article says science indicates practicing gratitude can make you a mentally healthier person. And don't we all need simple ways to protect our mental health these days!? I just love when science backs up the Bible like that. I am also a huge fan of Ann Voskamp, and she is the queen of giving thanks and pushing us to see the light of God through the broken darkness. 

Being the nerdy teacher I am, I thought that having my students start each class by writing down for what they are thankful would be a great writing exercise for the month of November. I started off by giving them notecards to fill out each day I saw them in class. The notecards started piling up, so I switched the method to Gratitude Journals, and they kept writing their gratitude daily. With the help of our amazing library/media specialist, I was able to create this tree of gratitude in my classroom. Using the notecards from my students, I wrote down what they wrote on the leaves.

My students haven't complained about my asking them to write their thanks, so I am taking that as a good sign. But, honestly, it has brought me so much joy to read their gratitude everyday and to see my corkboard filled with messages of thanks and hope.

And then, there is my church. My home away from home, even when I haven't been there in person for months. Each week they go through the extra work and effort to livestream the services for those who don't feel comfortable to go to service in-person or whose health situations warrant staying home. [I am guilty of staying home out of comfort and not necessity, but thankful just the same] They reach out in big and small ways to stay connected, to serve the body, and I am always surprised by the lengths they will go.

Yesterday, I opened the door to find this package on my steps, delivered by one of the leadership team:

And inside, was a handmade candle holder with candles for each Sunday of Advent. Delivered in person and handmade by the church staff, this rustic gift offers connection. Connection not just to my family but to the Church all over the world, celebrating this season of expectant waiting.

Inside was a challenge to put on pause some of our everyday habits and exchange them for the habit and tradition of Advent. A challenge to focus on the birth and life of Christ by reading the gospel instead of our Facebook feed. A challenge to pray and wait expectantly for the coming of the Savior. Challenge accepted.

With gratitude,

Ashley

What if

What if the world stopped spinning for a minute. Stopped swirling and spewing, just stopped. 

Please just stop a minute.

What if we dropped to our knees with EARS WIDE OPEN and WIDE MOUTHS SHUT.

What if we sat so silent, so still, and we listened so intently that we could hear the impossible.

What if we breathed so deeply that we cleared out all the noise of sides and agendas and fear and hate.

What if we closed our eyes so tightly all we could see is our mutual story.

Are you listening?

Can you hear our hearts beating and breaking and beating and breaking? Together, the same.

What if to move forward, we have to go back?

Way, way back before American laws or politics or slavery or segregation, colonialism or cotton. Back to a cross on a skull hill where innocent blood set us ALL FREE.

What if, in this still and silent posture, we sit at that cross and remember the cost of our salvation.  

What if we listened to the only words that matter. What if we LISTENED?

What if we had only listened.

What if we actually LOVED with kindness. What if we gave love that is unselfish. What if we always forgave. What if we always pursued truth and justice. 

What if we led with wisdom that is pure. What if we were peace loving and gentle and showed mercy.

What if we showed no favoritism. What if we were all created and treated equal?

What if we cared for the orphans and widows and hungry and imprisoned. What if we see those who are mistreated, as if we feel their pain in our bodies. 

What if we cared more about listening to the creator of the universe than the rhetoric of political parties.

What if we stopped making assumptions and pointing fingers and blame and guns with prejudiced bullets.

What if we just stopped and listened?

Are you listening?

Can you hear His heart breaking and breaking? 

What if we stopped demanding for what's ours and mine. What if instead we asked, what can I do for you and yours?

What if we loved our neighbors as ourselves and treated others as we want to be treated?

What if we rise from our knees and open our eyes only to see through another's?

What if you listen to my story and I see your story and not your skin and we change the world together one story at a time.

What if I hear your cry, and I take your hand and cry with you instead of silencing your tears?

What if I'm willing to lay down my life for yours?

What if it all comes down to this: Life is just a test. And the only passing grade is LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

"Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love." I John 4:7-8

Do Black Lives Matter to Me?

My immediate and gut answer is yes, of course they matter to me! 

But, do they really? 

Is there evidence in my life and actions to back that up? 

Do they matter to YOU? Is there evidence in your life and actions to back that up?

Here is my confession. Here is my invitation.

When the world is on fire from long-buried, boiling over anger, what do we do? That was my immediate response: what can I DO? What can we do? What are we doing?

Uncomfortable with the subject, we get defensive, we get judgey. We post our opinions. We make it political. We make it about THEM and their violence and "shameful" actions and not about us and OURS.

This is a post about embracing our ignorance and hate and the injustice we perpetrate. It is also about GRACE. God, please grant us your abounding, never-ending, hope-filling, amazing grace for our sinful thoughts and our silence and complicity.

Disclaimer: I am sure I will say the wrong thing.  It is a justifiable fear - because I usually do (I come from a long line of footinmouthers) and because I am largely ignorant on the subject of racism. So, I apologize if I offend you. Then again, maybe we all need to be more open to being offended with open ears....But please call me out if I say something out of ignorance or arrogance.

My initial reaction to the murder of George Floyd was anger. As for many, that video was the last straw, coming so soon on the heels of the murder of Ahmaud Arbery. And it broke me. Completely. For a week I walked around in a fog, wearing my grief with splashes of anger and sadness, erupting at any moment. I couldn't focus on schoolwork, housework, my kids...pretty much anything else. I wandered around utterly useless with the realization of my ignorance about the state of racism in our country. 

I read articles, blog posts, and bought books. I texted with my best friend, called my sister who is married to a black man, trying to process all the emotion and information. I reached out to a co-worker with whom I have always felt comfortable discussing race. He was gracious. He said, "It's not your fault, Ashley." But I'm not convinced.

I watched movies and documentaries about racism, researched the Black Lives Matter organization. I wrote blog posts in my head about what I wanted the world to know. And rewrote them. And then finally, actually started writing this.

I sat in a parking lot and cried after driving by a beautiful, peaceful protest organized by the children in my town. The CHILDREN, not the town leaders, not our spiritual leaders, but our brilliant teens, who have had enough and are determined to do something.

And I have realized this: I am ignorant, and I am complicit. I am guilty of not caring enough about those different from me to educate myself about their current experience. See, I am educated about slavery and reconstruction, and the Civil Rights era in America (as most of us are). But, I honestly had no idea about the continued and deliberate oppression of people of color in our country.  My white privilege allows me the freedom from that knowledge.

Confession:

I confess to my racism. I am not the antagonistic, attacking, or belittling type of racist, but I am guilty nonetheless. I admit to having prejudicial thoughts and reactions. Driving in Florida through "bad" neighborhoods and locking my car door after seeing a black man nearby? Yes. As an adolescent rejecting a boy of another race/ethnicity because of what my parents might think? Yes. Laughed at or made a racist, stereotypical joke? Yes. 

I am sorry for my conscious and unconscious racism and prejudice. I am repentant for the unconscious ignorance of my youth and the conscious and continued ignorance as an adult.

And I confess to my privilege, which has allowed me to live in ignorance.

MY Privilege Profile:

• Race: Inside and out - I am white. Gleaming bright, southern white from the safe suburbs with nice yards and almost zero black neighbors. 

• Ethnicity: Mostly Italian flavored, because my Mamaw was first-generation and her love was generous and her love language was literally food for the soul, so we simmered in her culture, trying to spice up our American ordinary. On the other side of the family, there is quite a complicated mix of white southern planted with European roots. 

• Socioeconomic Status: Solidly Middle Class (which allowed me to access to an education, to own my own property at 18, to easily finance a car, etc)

• Birthplace & Nationality: Florida, USA (Currently residing in MA, USA)

• Religion: Non-Denominational Christian, founded in the Charismatic variety (for those unfamiliar with this term - the anoint your head with oil, slay you in the spirit, hanky-waving, tongue-speaking kind of Jesus Freaks; similar to Pentecostal)

• Sexuality & Gender Identity: Heterosexual, Cisgender (born female and identify as female)

• Political Affiliation: Registered Independent 

I share that info to show you my privilege and because many of us judge one another on the above criteria. For most of us, our place in those boxes form our identity and thought patterns and decisions, and we rarely listen with ears wide open to those from different boxes.

For some, the categories listed are ALL that is seen or understood about them, regardless of who they really are on the inside. And for many, that first category could equal a death sentence.

I have been given extraordinary privilege. I realize my life has been easier because of the neighborhood where I grew up, the color of my skin, my sexual orientation and even my religion. I have not experienced oppression by another race, the trauma that poverty can inflict, or harassment due to my sexual/gender identity.

And I am guilty. I am guilty for taking it all for granted and not accurately seeing the reality of those who check the "Black" box next to race. 

If you are struggling to understand or sympathize with the chaos and violence filling our screens for the past couple of weeks, please examine your own privilege profile. Picture yourself in the shoes of a black parent who has to educate their son or daughter about interacting with the police. Make sure your hands can be seen at all times. Don't argue. Just do what they say. No matter if you've done anything wrong, comply. Don't ruffle their feathers of superiority. Don't expect justice to be yours my precious child, who is made in the image of God because of the melanin in your skin I passed down to you. 

Now picture your own child under the knee of an officer, begging for you. 

Begging to breathe. For over 8 minutes.

Now multiply that anguish by 400 years. 

When I was younger, I did not understand my own ignorance. I did not understand that saying "I don't see color" or self-righteously, "my children will be colorblind" (yes I actually said that) was just plain ignorant. 

And let me be clear about this: NO WE CANNOT be colorblind. Not only is this an idealistic and dismissive attitude, it is impossible and inadvisable. Because to say I'm colorblind is to say I don't see you as you are. I don't see your pain. I don't acknowledge that you have suffered because of your race. To say I'm colorblind is to say there is no difference in our experience. 

The truth is we all see color (even if  you are technically colorblind, because you are missing those little color rods in your eyeballs). We have been raised in a society that sees color by parents and grandparents who were forced to see color by the very laws of the state and in a country that has for centuries defined people of color as less than human.

Life, Liberty, and Justice for All. Unless your skin is black.

How we see the world, interact and relate with the people of the world, our thoughts, our motivations, our dreams, our anxiety and fears, are all products of either our experiences or our education [I don't strictly refer to institutional education]. You and I have not had the same experience or the same education, and therefore we will not share the same feelings about a moment, an event, an idea, a theology, etc. Right now, as you read this, the influences and memories from throughout your life are carving out how you experience this interaction of ours. My thoughts become words becomes digital text that greets you and your eyes and brain give meaning to the symbols floating on your screen.

You read my profile. Based on your prior knowledge, what kind of person do you think I am? Who do you assume I voted for in the last presidential election? Does my profile of race, ethnicity and socioeconomic status tell you WHO I am? Does the data (even with a bit of my personality thrown in) give you a clear picture of what lights up my soul or breaks my heart? 

I don't think so. I don't think we often ask people, who we see as different, to see the nuanced, colorful picture. We take a quick snapshot. A Polaroid profile. And we quickly discard what isn't familiar and comfortable. 

And if we discard the opportunity to see their essence, their trauma, their talent, and beauty based on that profile, we create the brokenness that exists in our society.

What happened to George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery and countless others before them, breaks my heart. Breaks it wide open and leaves me bleeding tears all over my privilege. What happened to those men is inexcusable, unjustifiable, and...God, I just have no adequate words....

Despite what my profile and my own admission of racist thoughts may imply about me, I hate discrimination and superiority and injustice. I write about these issue in bog posts and support organizations and businesses who work to fight against them. But it isn't enough. I have not done enough. Mostly, I have not educated myself enough.

The point of everything I have said so far is that the evidence points to:

BLACK LIVES DO NOT SEEM TO MATTER TO US. 

Fairness and justice have not been granted to black Americans and white America has looked the other way. We have seen their profile written on their skin and discarded them, locked them up, shot them dead, suffocated the very life and liberty our constitution grants us all.

I confess my complicity and ignorance and denial. And I invite you to a conversation, even if we don't agree. Join me on a journey of becoming educated. Join me on a journey to change "The Way Things Are."

My pastor did a very rare thing today. He postponed the well-prepared, originally planned sermon for today to address how we as a church and individual Christians should respond to the current crises. His advise is that we Listen, Lament, Learn, Live, and Pray, and I believe that's a good path on which to take our first steps. (You can watch his address here ). 

I have stepped onto that path and commit to living it out, which means doing more than just educating myself but also taking steps to change "The Way Things Are." Will you join me?

Black lives do matter to me. For people of color who read this: You matter to me. Your children matter to me. Your feelings and fears and anger and anguish all matter. I see you. I am listening. I am sorry.

With a broken heart and ears wide open,

Ashley

Below are a few resources to help us get started. But beyond what I have stumbled upon and listed here, seek out books, listen to podcasts, read articles and blog posts that will challenge you; hear from people outside of your social circles and political affiliation. 

Books:

• The Book of James - found in the New Testament of your Bible, or any Bible app, easily downloaded to your phone. The words of my favorite book in the Bible often point to how a Christian should respond to others.

• All American Boys by Jason Reynolds - This is a book I am reading for class by an author I have recently fallen in love with because of his letter to young men he wrote on the subject of consent. He is a multi-award-winning author, writing mostly YA books. (I will finish reading All American Boys by Thursday, June 18th, and I would love for you to read it and then process and discuss it with me.)

• Beyond Colorblind is a book that I am planning to read to join a book discussion with others in my church. Again, I would love to discuss and process it with you too.

• The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander - I have not read this one either, but plan to when I have more time for reading books not on my class reading list. I have heard good things about it from friends.

Movies & Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7ihNLEDiuM

Megan Ming Francis Ted Talk on the roots of racial injustice, posted 4 years ago but could have been given yesterday.

"13th" - Documentary on Netflix

Fighting to Find Peace

To be completely honest, I haven't been doing well emotionally for the past week.
On Good Friday I could barely function and spent most of the day in bed asleep.
The fun preparations I had planned to create a special atmosphere in my home for Easter were left
unfinished. Saturday, I was able to clean and do the minimum to meet my kids' expectations - filling
their baskets with candy and plastic eggs for them to hunt. 

But even on Sunday, despite the lovely service we watched online, I felt numb and disinterested in
creating a special day for my family. Of course, I didn't need to make the day special - God already
took care of that. Jesus is Risen no matter how I feel, but the joy of Easter eluded me.

At the beginning of the social distancing/quarantine/shelter at home, I was good. Although I was
disturbed and concerned by the spread of the virus and related deaths, I felt almost relieved for a
chance for life to slow down a bit. I had been so busy at work that our closing for a couple of weeks
seemed like a respite from the storm rather than the beginning of one. And for those two weeks I did
enjoy more time with my family and more time alone with God. I had time to clean and cook and just
be. I felt grateful for what we had rather than anxious about what we didn't.

But then 2 weeks became 4 and the world exploded with cases of the virus and thousands began dying.
I learned that I wouldn’t be able to work from home and my staff was furloughed.
And then I was furloughed too. 

In one month, (March 3rd to April 3) we went from 100,000 cases of the coronavirus to over 1 million.
And still, I thought I was handling it all pretty well. I'm not typically an anxious person - at least I
didn't think so. Meaning, in my head, I don't experience fearful thoughts or worry, and I place a lot
of emphasis on trusting God. Yet, I am being forced to accept that I am affected by anxiety whether or not my brain wants to admit it.

Betrayed by my body, I began experiencing some of the physical signs of anxiety, including chest pains and shortness of breath. This past week I felt claustrophobic and moody and unmotivated and frustrated. In my head, I desperately want to get things done in my house while I have the time, but my body felt sluggish and tired and weak. I felt overwhelmed by the uncertainty of things. When will my source of income return? Should I get another job? Will the unemployment check actually appear in my account?

Yesterday, I canceled an interview - is getting a paycheck worth putting myself and my family at risk when I don't desperately need it? Or is that just an excuse I used to avoid doing something that causes me anxiety? I readily admit that interviews cause me a ton of stress.

Once I named it, things started to change. Writing it down and admitting out loud that what I was feeling was anxiety and depression, I began to feel better. Once I recognized that I needed to lay it all at the feet of Jesus instead of hiding in my bed, I could get up and get on with life.

In my last post, 7 suggestions for surviving this storm - which I wrote not because I have all the answers, but because I was searching for ways to get through myself - my number one suggestion was "Focus on the Good." That suggestion didn't originate in my mind but from a scripture verse that always strikes my heart when I read it. Philippians 4:8 (NLT):

...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Sounds good. Sounds peaceful. But honestly? It sounds really hard to find in our world. And I don't mean just because of the pandemic. Scrolling through Netflix or Hulu, I can't find much to watch that focuses on pure and lovely or excellent or worthy of praise. And we certainly aren't finding it in news reports about COVID-19. And, maybe binge watching all 6 seasons of an apocalyptic show filled with violence and strife didn't help with my increasing anxiety and depression...

But what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable can be found if we search for them and train our minds to look for things that are excellent. I find them in Jesus's words and in His sacrifice at the cross. I find them in God's creation. I find them in human acts of kindness.

But I often let myself get distracted. And as Ann Voskamp claims, "Get busy, get distracted, and you can forget God. Forget God, and you lose your mind and your peace. Forget God, and all you remember is anxiety. Anxiety can give you God-Alzheimer's. Forget the face of God, and you forget your own name is Beloved." (The Broken Way)

Right before the verse I mentioned above, Paul writes, "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then, you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT)

Prayer + Asking God + Gratitude + Focusing on the Good = Peace. When I rely on God and am thankful and remember I am his Beloved, that is when anxiety melts away and joy can seep into this stressed-out soul.

Amen

7 Steps to Surviving this Storm

Since the beginning of March, I've been recording the spread of this terrifying virus in my journal. Apparently, I only journal when life gets really rough. As I read a few pages written in my journal from almost 15 years ago, I noticed a trend. My penmanship only spells out stress and anger and loneliness during hard times.

When we first moved to MA from Florida, we knew no one. My husband worked from home, went to grad school at night, and I worked as a stay-at-home mom with two kids under 3. And we fought. A lot. In one entry I wrote,

"I am tired of fighting, tired of being cold, broke, and alone. And never being alone." 

Social distancing was our everyday life, because we had no family or friends or even a workplace or co-workers for company. I went for days without talking to another adult, besides Daniel. We bought an old house that had no dishwasher, no shower, and no clothes dryer; and it had a ton of stairs - 4 sets. Up the stairs for potty training, downstairs to do laundry, and up the stairs again, carrying the one-year-old, kicking me in protest to having his diaper changed. By leaving our modern home and supportive family in Florida, we created a life more difficult. Major adjustments had to be made, and we all acted out. It was all really stressful and depressing. But eventually, we found jobs, friends, and a great community church. That time was just one stormy season in our lives, just as this pandemic will only last for a season.  

This is hard. Americans are out of work (myself included), out of toilet paper, couped up at home, trying to teach their own kids, while constant access to stressful news about the virus streams in. Watching the death toll rise to almost 10,000 here in the U.S. in little over a month is devastating. We are experiencing trauma and grief and may not even realize it. 

When I think about the parents of little kids right now, stuck at home, perhaps with decreased income, no social outlet besides Facebook or Instagram, and only their spouses to depend on for face-to-face interaction, I am overwhelmed with empathy.

However, I know that we can do hard things, and we will get through this together. History has proven that we are a resilient race - we don't give up. Our parents and grandparents have weathered storms more severe, much more deadly, and with greater sacrifice. That knowledge may be of little comfort while we are battling to save our businesses, our finances, and our everyday way of life. But, it gives me hope to hold on to the fact that this is temporary. 

But how do we survive today, tomorrow, and perhaps the next few months?

Here are 7 realistic suggestions (that don't include washing your hands or wearing a mask) to keep our emotional and mental health steady and strong.

1. Focus on the Good. Read about the goodness of God - read a daily devotional, the Psalms, or prepare for Easter by reading the gospel of Luke. Focus on the goodness of humanity. Watch Some Good News with John Krasinski. Focus on the beauty of nature. Drive to the beach just to listen to the waves. Watch the sunset, or get up early to see it rise. 

2. Turn off the news and turn on some music. Avoid reading or watching the news first thing in the morning or before bed at night. We need to stay up-to-date, but allowing thoughts of doom and uncertainty to permeate our thoughts all day and into our sleep at night, is not in our best interest. Instead, listen to your favorite music. For me, music is so healing and instantly improves my mood. You can even get a workout in by dancing along. Some of my best memories from when my kids were little was having dance parties in our living room. Here is a list of songs that seem perfectly made for this time:

•  "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott
• "You're Gonna Be Okay" by Jenn Johnson
• "Tell Your Heart to Beat Again" by Danny Goake
• "Don't Give Up on Me" by Andy Grammer
• "Count on Me" by Bruno Mars

And here are few that are fun to dance to or sing at the top of your lungs on a drive (from reggae to Disney, selected with appropriateness for kids in mind)

• "Be My Baby" by The Ronettes
• "Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake
• "Dancing Queen" Abba
• "Happy" by Pharrell Williams
• "Shake it Off" Taylor Swift
• "Better When I'm Dancin" Meghan Trainor
• "One Love" Bob Marley
• "Bye Bye Bye" NSYNC
• "Stronger" Kelly Clarkson
• "Living on a Prayer" Bon Jovi
• "Party in the USA" Miley Cyrus
• "Let it Go"

3. Don't stress about schoolwork. One of the greatest challenges facing many parents right now is having to homeschool their kids. Please hear me. Don't let your relationship with your child become damaged from fighting over learning. Encourage them to complete the assignments given, offer help when needed, but phone a friend or email the child's teacher if they (or you) are struggling. Take a deep breath and stay calm.

The most important lessons that kids can learn right now are: how to adapt to change, keep kindness in the midst of chaos, keep hope in times of darkness, and to love one another well. 

So don't worry about teaching them Algebra or Chemistry or if they fall behind in their reading. They are learning a whole different subject; they are learning survival skills. So, set a good example. Give them extra hugs, speak calmly and kindly, and take advantage of fun learning opportunities you wouldn't normally have while they are at school and you are at work. Bake with them. Make them help you with yard work. Teach them to sew or knit or anything else that interests them. Here are a few great resources that many homeschool parents use:

• Outschool.com - a huge assortment of online classes your child can take - from raising chickens 101 to how to write a 5 paragraph essay. There are costs associated with taking classes.
• Khan Academy - a non-profit and free resource for parents and teachers.
• National Geographic - that old yellow magazine that your grandfather always read is now an amazing online resource of learning

4.  Seek out ways to help. Use your gifts for doing good. Sew some masks. This tutorial is shorter with no talking if you are a visual learner. You can find a variety of methods online - even on news outlets. If you don't sew, see how you can help your local food pantry keep feeding the people. Need soap? Preemptive Love Coalition, an amazing organization, living out love in Iraq, sells soap and other products made by refugees. And, they are trying to meet the great need of feeding those in quarantine.

5. Engage your mind. Tap into your creativity. Learn a new skill or a new language. Have you heard of Master Class? For $180 you can access all classes. From Neil Gaiman to Bobby Brown to Timbaland, you can learn from the best in a variety of industries or artistic genres.

Even if you aren't crafty and have never been especially interested in art, pick up a paintbrush and see where it takes you. Write down your story, or make up a silly one to read to your kids. Even if you don't have a literary bone in your body, journaling your feelings or prayers during this time is a great way to unburden your mind.

6. Schedule a weekly spa day (or at least an hour). Make an appointment for self-care. Put on a movie for the kids, or put your spouse or oldest child in charge. Make them understand you are not to be disturbed. Take a relaxing bath, slather on a face mask, and give yourself a mani/pedi. Need a root touch-up or want to change your look? Here's a safe DIY option that I've used in a pinch: Madison Reed. I've also heard good things about Overtone.

7. Create a schedule. Close the kitchen. Is the absence of structure driving you crazy? Forgetting what day it is? Kids in the kitchen 24/7? Make a schedule and don't feel guilty about it. Specify times when the kitchen is open for meals and snacks and when it is closed for your sanity. Having a hard time keeping track of how long they have been staring at screens? Make a schedule - and stick to it! They are used to schedules. (They will say they hate it, but they actually crave consistency). The school day is broken up into chunks of time, and there is no reason that you can't implement something similar at home. Following a schedule helps develop self-discipline and will help keep you sane. That being said, having some flexibility is fine too.

I hope that some of these suggestions are helpful. More than anything, do what's right for you and your family. There is no judge or jury. No best ways to survive a pandemic (other than social distancing and washing your hands.) If you want to "unschool" your kids during this stressful time, go for it. If you have a glass of wine every night...who cares.. Know that you are not alone and this WILL be over eventually. And if you need to chat or someone to pray for you, I am here.

With Love,
Ashley

An Attitude of Gratitude

Today I'm feeling very grateful. Despite the corona corral, gratitude is pouring out of me.

Grateful for the everyday blessings we tend to take for granted. Technology and electricity and clean (and hot!) water. Although we are trapped indoors, we have computers and phones to keep us connected; electricity to keep us warm (or cool) and to power all of our devices; and clean water to drink, cook and bathe with and do our laundry. Yes, I am even grateful for laundry - or at least more time to get it done. Grateful for the sun. Even though spring seems to be hiding from us up here in New England, today the sunlight is highlighting the gifts.I'm so grateful to the medical personnel out there, carrying on like soldiers fighting on the front lines of this virus. Grateful for those in the delivery business and those who have added delivery to their business - the truck drivers, mail carriers, Amazon workers, local shop owners who are keeping us in essential supplies and stocked with puzzles, books and vacuum bags.

Grateful for morning moments with my husband, who is able to work from home (because of the electricity and technology). I love being at home with my people and being able to kiss and hug on them throughout the day. To be able to grab my girl and give her a kiss on her porcelain forehead or receive a hug from my boy, smelling of shampoo fresh out of the shower.
Grateful for waking up to coffee ready to drink and time to spend soaking in God's presence each morning before getting started for the day. Grateful for my church and ministry team, teaching sermons to a camera and singing to an empty sanctuary; so that we can gather in our homes on Sundays and worship online. Grateful for youth pastors who put together Zoom meetings to stay connected to our kids.
What are you grateful for today?

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable." - Philippians 4:8