On Criticism and Love

Forgive me for trying to tell you what to do. But please, please STOP IT!

Please, for the LOVE of God and all that is holy and/or human. Stop spewing hateful criticism under any disguise of being righteous or informed or "helpful."

Lately, I have wondered, mouth-wide-open, at the audacity of comments people make when they disagree with a point of view, a parenting style, politics, a method of faith-following, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I criticize. I am a HUGE commercial critic. Seriously, companies should hire me before letting any ad go on air. I could save them millions in bad ad campaigns. I can spot the good ones from the terrible in about 5.2 seconds. Just ask my husband - he gets to hear all my constructive criticism. And fashion. PLEASE. Don't get me started on the trends that should never have been. I mean, really, this T-shirt and jeans wearing SAHM has got the runway beat. I'm collecting pieces for my Shabby Chick line right now. Cause ain't nobody got money fo dat $170 blouse. Pilled-up 5-year-old sweatshirts like I am wearing right now are so much more GREEN anyhow.

Truthfully, I have been known to spread Toxic Tongue Disease from time to time. And I am completely preaching to the choir here. But I am really trying hard to watch my words and throw harsh criticism where it belongs. Because whoever came up with the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was full of it. I'm calling BS. The truth is, wounds from sticks and stones usually heal up pretty quickly. But words can slice a path through the your heart so deep that the scar will last forever.

So please. STOP DESTRUCTIVELY CRITICIZING OTHERS. I have this sign hanging on my refrigerator to remind my children and myself to consider our words carefully.

If what we have to say doesn't fall into one of those categories, it probably isn't worth saying. And sometimes, it just isn't the right time or place for what we have to say, even if we are trying to be helpful. Before giving what you believe to be constructive advice, consider the following: your intention, your audience, your tone, and the mood of the person receiving the advice. Sometimes SILENCE IS GOLDEN. 

If you aren't sure what to say: SILENCE IS GOLDEN

If you can't say it nicely: SILENCE IS GOLDEN

If it's none of your business: SILENCE IS GOLDEN

Intention is everything. And love should guide our intentions. And LOVE IS "patient and KIND. Love is NOT jealous or boastful or proud or RUDE. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out." (I Corinthians 13:4-6)

One more thing. I've learned through teaching and parenting that encouragement is key. We respond to encouragement 10000% better than we respond to criticism. (That's a very unscientific fact). I have failed to realize this in the past. Criticism makes us defensive, guarded, and cranky. And the critics are everywhere. But, encouragement makes us want to try even harder. It puts a positive spark in our hearts. It gives us the courage and motivation to do hard things. 

Personally, I want to be remembered as an encourager. If I don't accomplish anything else in life than giving encouragement to those who need it, I will be OK with that. 

In Love,

Ashley